In the movie Little Zizou, the little boy's technology geek older brother finally confronts his debauched father and calls him @#$%^&" humbug".
The father tell him how ungrateful the boy is and that he had taken care of the boy when he was ill (silence), brought him up (silence), kept him the house (silence) and even gave him a scooter to ride. At the last one, the technology geek older brother breaks into a wicked toothy smile as he dramatically takes out the scooter keys from his front pocket and shoves them in his father's shirt pocket saying something to the effect " so take it back now".
The boys pack stuff, pick up mom's b/w photograph and leave the house banging the door shut on the humbug dad. Feels good ! Retribution for that X@#$CV of a father.
I could not get over that bit for a long time after the scene was over. My brain was in a churn and I was thinking how it is a familiar feeling to return stuff to offending party ( OP) in any relationship - wedding rings, house, love notes, photographs, gifts of love, money..and that kind of squares up the equation. Its like, " here you wanted to be nice, romantic, loving, caring, condescending, kind to me, but now you can take it all back. I am rejecting your favours". But in case the OP has not just 'GIVEN' but instead 'DONE' stuff for you - Noun Vs Verb kind of thing :) the climate changes.
For example : 1) I took care of you 2) I stood by you 3) I was there when you needed me 4) I brought you up 5) I stayed awake the nights when you had Colic 6 ) I paid for your education 7) I tolerated your bad behaviour 8 ) I listened to you - ad infinitum. In such situations there is no way one can say, "hey I am going to do the same to you just now and square up".
These 'non quantifiable' acts of kindness can often be used like weapons in relationships. I pondered more over the next fist of popcorn and realised how I do it, most often telling my poor husband how I have "stood by him" through bad times. I've noticed how that shuts up any conversation. Thats like hitting the stumps since I presume he gets eternally burdened by that statement. I would too. I am sure if there was any measurable device of 'standing by' someone, he would just do it and square up on this for once.
It also set me thinking that I have with much effort in fact, stayed clear from being too often at the receiving end of '"I have DONE this for you" situations ! With of course the obvious exception of my parents. No one ever wanted to do favours for me, luckily so.
My Dad payed a capitation fee for my brother to study engineering & Bro later refused to make a living of it. He is regularly at the receiving end of a regular dose of " I paid for your education", "I took care of you", "I brought you up". " I am still bringing you up" etc.
While I do not at all feel sorry for him it reminds me of another scene where the buxom Parsi mom asks the preposterous kid, "How would you like it if you did not have a mother ?". Preposterous kid says, "I'd like it". LOL !
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The 'Love' Tag !
I've never been tagged ! Says volumes about my blogging credibility :)
So when Ritu tagged me - for the first 10 minutes I thought she'd written on my blog by mistake ! I've done that - posted a comment on someone else's blog thinking they were someone else, but I wasn't sure more of this species exists.
So I sneaked back to her blog to check and saw there was this post about 'getting ready to be fifty' on her blog. I shrieked ! Naaaaaaaah, she couldn't be tagging me to do this ! I don't want to ever ever ever think about what I am going to do at fifty. I am not going to be fifty ever. Period. Then I thought perhaps she was being evil at the behest of my enemies. I am told that I've got this inflated sense of self importance that mostly makes me think there are aliens out there out to get me. I don't believe that but maybe its true ?
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.
1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
Today, this day and age I think I'd call up the salon and book for pedicure, hair cut, facial and immediately go shopping for more clothes that I do not need. I'd be damned if he did and be convinced, it could only be because I don't look as good anymore ! LOL. I'd go to any lengths to check out the chick he is with and trash her - too fat, too thin, bimbo, BTM, whatever. And then I'd move on. It does not matter anymore. If he wanted to get to me he should have tried it when I was younger ! Back then I'd take a knife and slice off the expensive seat covers of his fancy open jeep, pour acid over the tyres and toss a brick in full public view to crash the windscreen of his girl friend's brand new Maruti car & more, before I moved on.
2. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
Had to think hard about this one ! I realise how tempting it is to give smart answers here. But I won't since the truth is that after years of anguish over Ruhi's school admission, whenever I read 'dream come true' I only think of school admission ! A desire no more since she got the wonderful school she deserves. So hmmm....after considering many many things on my wish-list, I realise a true dream come true would only be that house by the sea with bay windows and tons of sunshine and me. Want it harder since I know how very impossible it is.
3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?
I wish I had the balls to be honest about this one. If my blog was the dusty old place with cobwebs till the floor, like it used to be - I'd tell it. But I really do so much want to do this in spirit to this one person who has the power to make me very angry and very silly almost all the time. Though I feel its coming soon and I'd be proud of myself if I stop the whining and with dignity as much as honesty, kick that butt!!!
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
In order of priority - Give away a third of it to my husband so that he can buy back his life from his work. Buy that house by the sea pronto and do it up ! Travel to every nook and corner of the world, Business Class. Pay for all that it takes to become 5 pounds thinner and will the rest to my children, my brother and my friends. As you would have realised I have no clue how much a billion dollars can fetch - to me its an endless supply of money !
5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Weird question this one ! My best friend(s) are women mostly and YIKES NO THANK YOU TO THAT ! But if it was a guy and if I got to that stage of being best friends with him, I'd own him for life and after.
6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
This question must be kiddin ! Its like - Is eating the icecream more satisfying than craving for it !!
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
I'd wait forever. Till the last day of my life. I am an optimist.
8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Keep it a 'secret' I guess !
9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Compulsory Basic Education for all. I think fixing that in itself fix much more.
10. Do you lie?
LOL ! Funny this one - after writing your life's confessions here, you'd make me say I lied ! Yes, I lie when there is no other way and when I know its a lie the other person wants to hear.
11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
10 years hence, Ruhi will be 17 years old. She would be in the last year of her school - on the threshold of a beautiful life ahead. I'd be waiting in the wings, holding her hand and helping her take off to fly. Simultaneously Rayyan would be 13 and I'd be in school when they throw him out for bad behavior. As an aside, this evening I took the kids to their favourite play pen in the Mall. He socked the face of a cheeky little girl when she accidently collided with him. After which he howled louder and longer than she did. I was shocked, embarrassed, ashamed in quick successive emotions as I tried to mend the situation. But yeah, I get the whiff of things to come.
12. What’s your fear?
Of losing those whom I love. Of their death.
13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I don't know Ritu at all - but from whatever few interactions I've had with her on my blog I find she is sensitive and has an intuitive understanding of things.
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Married to my husband and poor, if that was the only option.
15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
The better human being of the two.
16. Would you give all in a relationship?
All bole to ? 'Tan, Man, Dhan' as they said in old bollywood ? I got no 'Dhan' so OK to "Tan & Man' !
17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
No. I'd carry the grudge to my grave I think. I just did that in fact - carried a grudge to some one's grave. He is dead but I still don't forgive or forget.
18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
I change flat tyres and gas cylinders, I roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty, lift suitcases and carry my children around. I am a toughie in every sense of the word. But I can't dream of a life without my husband. I'd refuse singledom despite the perks it brings for me.
19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?
Gulzar's song from the film 'Khamoshi' - "Humne dekhi hai un aankhon ki mehakti khusboo, Haath Se chhu ke ise rishton ka ilzaam na do...". Because it says all that I believe is true about love.
20. I TAG these 6 people because I’d like to know what their answers would be …
Rinchen
Svarna
Manpreet
Lukkydivz
Roop
Y the woman
So when Ritu tagged me - for the first 10 minutes I thought she'd written on my blog by mistake ! I've done that - posted a comment on someone else's blog thinking they were someone else, but I wasn't sure more of this species exists.
So I sneaked back to her blog to check and saw there was this post about 'getting ready to be fifty' on her blog. I shrieked ! Naaaaaaaah, she couldn't be tagging me to do this ! I don't want to ever ever ever think about what I am going to do at fifty. I am not going to be fifty ever. Period. Then I thought perhaps she was being evil at the behest of my enemies. I am told that I've got this inflated sense of self importance that mostly makes me think there are aliens out there out to get me. I don't believe that but maybe its true ?
Anyway after wasting half an hour wondering WTF was her 'tagged you' comment about I sneaked in upon her blog again. She had just then uploaded this post about '20 wash up your dirty linen' questions. Seems she first wrote me a comment and then posted her stuff !
Tease !! :))))))
So here goes, the rules first :
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Though that would suck BTW !
So here goes, the rules first :
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Though that would suck BTW !
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.
1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
Today, this day and age I think I'd call up the salon and book for pedicure, hair cut, facial and immediately go shopping for more clothes that I do not need. I'd be damned if he did and be convinced, it could only be because I don't look as good anymore ! LOL. I'd go to any lengths to check out the chick he is with and trash her - too fat, too thin, bimbo, BTM, whatever. And then I'd move on. It does not matter anymore. If he wanted to get to me he should have tried it when I was younger ! Back then I'd take a knife and slice off the expensive seat covers of his fancy open jeep, pour acid over the tyres and toss a brick in full public view to crash the windscreen of his girl friend's brand new Maruti car & more, before I moved on.
2. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
Had to think hard about this one ! I realise how tempting it is to give smart answers here. But I won't since the truth is that after years of anguish over Ruhi's school admission, whenever I read 'dream come true' I only think of school admission ! A desire no more since she got the wonderful school she deserves. So hmmm....after considering many many things on my wish-list, I realise a true dream come true would only be that house by the sea with bay windows and tons of sunshine and me. Want it harder since I know how very impossible it is.
3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?
I wish I had the balls to be honest about this one. If my blog was the dusty old place with cobwebs till the floor, like it used to be - I'd tell it. But I really do so much want to do this in spirit to this one person who has the power to make me very angry and very silly almost all the time. Though I feel its coming soon and I'd be proud of myself if I stop the whining and with dignity as much as honesty, kick that butt!!!
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
In order of priority - Give away a third of it to my husband so that he can buy back his life from his work. Buy that house by the sea pronto and do it up ! Travel to every nook and corner of the world, Business Class. Pay for all that it takes to become 5 pounds thinner and will the rest to my children, my brother and my friends. As you would have realised I have no clue how much a billion dollars can fetch - to me its an endless supply of money !
5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Weird question this one ! My best friend(s) are women mostly and YIKES NO THANK YOU TO THAT ! But if it was a guy and if I got to that stage of being best friends with him, I'd own him for life and after.
6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
This question must be kiddin ! Its like - Is eating the icecream more satisfying than craving for it !!
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
I'd wait forever. Till the last day of my life. I am an optimist.
8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Keep it a 'secret' I guess !
9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Compulsory Basic Education for all. I think fixing that in itself fix much more.
10. Do you lie?
LOL ! Funny this one - after writing your life's confessions here, you'd make me say I lied ! Yes, I lie when there is no other way and when I know its a lie the other person wants to hear.
11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
10 years hence, Ruhi will be 17 years old. She would be in the last year of her school - on the threshold of a beautiful life ahead. I'd be waiting in the wings, holding her hand and helping her take off to fly. Simultaneously Rayyan would be 13 and I'd be in school when they throw him out for bad behavior. As an aside, this evening I took the kids to their favourite play pen in the Mall. He socked the face of a cheeky little girl when she accidently collided with him. After which he howled louder and longer than she did. I was shocked, embarrassed, ashamed in quick successive emotions as I tried to mend the situation. But yeah, I get the whiff of things to come.
12. What’s your fear?
Of losing those whom I love. Of their death.
13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I don't know Ritu at all - but from whatever few interactions I've had with her on my blog I find she is sensitive and has an intuitive understanding of things.
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Married to my husband and poor, if that was the only option.
15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
The better human being of the two.
16. Would you give all in a relationship?
All bole to ? 'Tan, Man, Dhan' as they said in old bollywood ? I got no 'Dhan' so OK to "Tan & Man' !
17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
No. I'd carry the grudge to my grave I think. I just did that in fact - carried a grudge to some one's grave. He is dead but I still don't forgive or forget.
18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
I change flat tyres and gas cylinders, I roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty, lift suitcases and carry my children around. I am a toughie in every sense of the word. But I can't dream of a life without my husband. I'd refuse singledom despite the perks it brings for me.
19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?
Gulzar's song from the film 'Khamoshi' - "Humne dekhi hai un aankhon ki mehakti khusboo, Haath Se chhu ke ise rishton ka ilzaam na do...". Because it says all that I believe is true about love.
20. I TAG these 6 people because I’d like to know what their answers would be …
Rinchen
Svarna
Manpreet
Lukkydivz
Roop
Y the woman
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