Not again !

It was little Rayyan's annual day on Tuesday. I try not to think too much about my boy. I pretend boys don't need much help growing up. In my heart I know I would be a hero if I survived the growing up of Ruhi alone, I can't imagine twice as much agony, never mind the ecstasies they bring along by default.

We were late so I got to sit right on the front of the small, pretension of a stage in the school. I couldn't believe I was having butterflies in my stomach. I closed my eyes to think if there may have been something else bothering me, but sadly it was about little Rayyan and I said a loud  'Gosh' silently to myself. 

I knew I was too close up there and it would disturb him. And I wish I had not listened to my husband and moved from there since as soon as the curtain rose, there he was - dressed up as a sailor boy in ridiculously large orange shorts with his bony legs sticking out and a cute little sailor's cap perched on his head.

At first he didn't see me and shyly went about his actions and the song, but his eyes were frantically searching all over the audience as I tried to duck behind my bag. And  then he saw me and he sat very still for a second and then rolled up his eyes and started chewing on his lower lip and then the tears came. 

He was sobbing silently but uncontrollably. I wished he would howl louder so that the teachers could lift him and in the few minutes till the teacher noticed him sitting there in a pool of tears when all others were standing and jumping, my heart turned into a lump of iron.

After that he did nothing but cry and when I collected him from backstage he was still crying and clung to me tightly, sobbing on my shoulder. Once back home, without any prompting he stood up on the bed and said all his rhymes and acted out the concert to an audience of the maid and me.

I actually just breathed the longest sigh in the world. What's in store for me God ?