The Ruhi update

I think we've reached a milestone with Ruhi at 8 years. I find myself completely at my wit's end most of the times and apprehensive about what may come next.

As of now, Ruhi knows everything. Sometimes more than everybody else . She says "I KNOW IT" after everything. Example :

Ruhi : Mama what does 'Do not drink and drive' mean ?

Me : Means one should not drink alcohol and drive.

Ruhi : I know it.

pause.

Ruhi : Mama what is alcohol ?

Me : Its a very bitter drink that makes people sleepy so they may have an accident if they drive

Ruhi : I know it

And so on and so forth.

I hope this too will pass ?

She is more concerned than ever, about right and wrong. Like she walked up to a man she had seen pissing on a colony wall and told him softly " pissing not allowed here" (in hindi). He was apparently some driver, he sniggered and told her to buzz off. Knowing her she must have muttered all the guts in her to do this. She didnt give up and waited for the chowkidar on the colony rounds to come by and complained about the incident. She felt very worthy when the chowkidar promised to fix the guy.

She has had her first sleep over at her best friend Rhea's house.

She has close friends who she likes and dislikes at the same time. Being a soft spoken gentle girl, she is at the receiving end of some highly manipulative behavior from other children her age. She is learning to deal with it albeit slowly. Her teacher said she needs lessons in how to be mean !

She shows a strong desire to do well in school. She is suddenly very competitive and wants to do better than most of her peers but accepts that a few friends are "way smarter" than her in class.

She wants to dress up fashionably when going to meet her friends. In dresses and skirts !!

She is constantly testing her limits with me and I have finally begun to google for " behavior problems in 8 year olds" !

Done Seven :)

This year I did it - finally dished out the birthday party that I could never quite get right for the last 6 years ! I started with doing my favorite thing - make lists ! Of all the things Ruhi loves - she loves the most to paint or that is what I like to think. So Color Factory it was, thank God for the malls to have opened next doors. 

The next was to sacrifice our own social list so that I could get her friends to have fun with her. I invited her class of 25 kids - a majority of boys, but so what !!! 

As expected, she wanted to leave out Raj from her invitees and grudgingly agreed when told how mean that would be and so one morning I splashed some paint on her as she got up bright, cheerful and really excited about her birthday, clicked some pictures and this became her birthday card. On the previous night, her doting grandfather (yup, thats right ! the grand old man) baked a couple of cakes for her and we cut them through the day for my mom, husband's cousins and more adults who feel obliged to visit us on Ruhi's birthday. 

We have always made such a big deal her birthday that most don't even bother to check the POA with me. Guests just drop in! I knew I was expected to invite the family, their children and the neighbors and their kids and all those who've invited us last year etc but I stuck to my guns that this was going to be a no adults birthday party unless the adults agreed to sit there and paint !

We did up the Color Factory at City Walk in her favorite mauve & purple  balloons, ordered junk food and ice cream cake. Its an outdoor kind of place with no music so I even got portable speakers for my ipod which I eventually forgot to play !

Her guests were there in full attendance and I love this age of theirs - they came dressed up as little menfolk (spiked hair & fashion jewelry on some) and ladies ! They behaved so well, they painted and had a blast ! After finishing the painting, they played girls against boys tug o war and Tambola and then their own games. Soon after they forgot the 'menfolk and ladies' bit and went on a rampage bringing down the balloons and stomping on them. I had a blast too since I'd love to do that myself if my daughter allowed me to ! 

The boys got her girly stuff and her favorite was a lovely pink Barbie pillow and I am just so glad that not one kid gave her a Barbie Doll ! 

Raj lives miles away in Greater Noida but he turned up as expected. A tall sullen kid who sat alone and painted and did not speak a word. I noticed the other kids do not speak with him either and I felt very sorry about the situation, though I am glad he came. He got her some Enid Blytons and while she opened her gifts out came board games, more books and craft sets and skateboards and Casios... after a bit I noticed she would fold her hands in a hurried prayer before she opened another ! Apparently she was praying for the next one to be a Barbie Doll. God didn't listen !

I also kept feeling teary for no reason at all and my heart ached as much as my feet at the end of a wonderful day. She's growing up way to fast and I feel years slipping by like sand through my fingers. I've never known myself to be the filmi types but Ruhi can usually bring out the worst in me ! Sigh :)

Caterpillar to the Butterfly !

Ruhi, over these magical years of my life, on the brink of her 7th birthday next month !

Just like that.

My husband has the quality of making the most mundane of incidents sound filmy. A few days ago he said : "I have news to share with you that will gobsmack you" ( my words to translate whatever it was that he said).

My pulse fell. I hate surprises. In my life surprises are never pleasant, not till now.

I barked back "NOW WHAT?".

He smiles dramatically, modulating his voice, said " Ruhi is in love". And he almost giggled. I told him he was so absurd and that he needed to seriously grow up before the kids do and I walked off.

He persisted, and offered more details " his name is Raj - she is wearing a bracelet that he gifted her, the maid told me ".

Ruhi was fast asleep and I wriggled her right wrist from under herself to find an oversized plasticky band with shiny multicolored rectangles. I let it be, must have been some innocent thing that had been misconstrued by the maid who it seems has been brought up on a strict diet of cheesy hindi movies.

The next morning Ruhi woke up chirping about an elaborate dream about pink beaked birds and elephants and a tiger who slouches while shaking his bum and pointing his curved finger at her friend Ashna. She slouched on the bed shaking her pointy little bum and explaining the tiger's gestures with her finger. I watched with familiar fascination, marveling at the beauty of the world she sleeps in. Then I pointed at the band and asked "what's that Roo?"

She smiled "friendship band. Raj gave it to me. You know mama he specially bought it for me with REAL money". I tried not to scowl at her and asked " Who is Raj ?"

"Arre, my best friend in school. I love him mama, he kissed me on my cheek in the nap time" ( the kids take a half hour nap in school).

I wasn't liking the thought. What do six year olds know about kissing ? I tried to sound indifferent so that she doesn't feel it was some big deal "Did you tell Namrita Ma'm ?".

Ruhi was getting impatient now " Why ? He didn't kiss on the lips ?". I almost chocked on my toothbrush. I must say I am completely unprepared for this conversation so early in our relationship. For God's sake she is still a baby.

I decide to leave it at that for the moment. She goes on "you know Ma, he gave me the band so that when we grow old and if we get lost, he can find me"!

Hmmmm... straight out of Karan Johar movies. Her father's daughter for sure.

Yesterday, the grotesque thing was missing from her tiny wrist. When I asked her she said she had put it back in that kid's pocket.

"Why?"

"Just like that".

Daughter's Day !

Yesterday, September 23rd was Daughter's Day. I didn't know till this year that there was something called the Daughter's Day and for a week I would stare wryly at those cheesy Ads in the papers selling Jewelry, holidays, air-conditioners, all in the name of Daughter's Day. I would wonder if my 5 year old girl would understand what it meant. What did it mean actually ? For me every day is Daughter's Day. Ruhi is the centre of my existence. She is the dearest thing that I possess and my biggest weakness. And every damn day of my life I got to prove to her that she is special so what the heck ! I stayed quiet and I am glad the school kept quiet too, since I am convinced that there is no way I was going to buy yet another Barbie doll ! It would have been difficult to refuse the ransom if she knew !!!


Yesterday morning I had barely woken up when my dad called up. An early morning call from Dad almost always means bad news and my heart sank. I conjured up all the many possibilities - maybe mom had another accident, maybe my brother had a fit again, maybe.... My Dad said he had called to wish me a happy Daughter's day and God bless. I burst into tears and cried my heart out. My poor husband and bewildered kids stood in silence around me, wondering what the call was about. My father sounded so sweet in his defeated voice, wishing me a day I had forgotten about. My whole childhood came alive at that moment - how much he must have loved me and how much I have failed him. And how much I fail him even today.


In the afternoon when we went to watch the movie, they gave all the women a flower at the gate and said Happy Daughter's Day ! Ruhi raised one inquisitive eyebrow and asked "Is it Doctor's day ?' I clarified that it was Daughter's day and that since she was my daughter so it was also her day ! She looked most engrossed in thought. Back home in the evening she asked me how come I had not said earlier that it was Daughter's day. I was put to severe questioning and had to give every explanation in the book to tell her why I had forgotten to wish her and buy gifts for her on Daughter's day !!!