Thursday, March 06, 2008

What the Doc said !

I wanted to stop pitying myself and fretting about the Kids and write today about having been married 8 years to a man I have known 18 years now ! Married to him several times during  a sultry month of March, 8 years ago starting with the court marriage today...but I got some unfinished business to do! 

'Getting there now' wanted to know what the Principal prescribed as the cure:

She said I need to:

Leave her alone to discover things herself - like unsupervised playing in the park - even at home since she feel the father is too protective and the children have become scared to experiment and so they seem so unsure. She could be right - my husband is overprotective with the Kids.

Choose a couple of families with small kids in the neighborhood and make friends with them so that Ruhi can be introduced to a social life outside school. Invite those kids over to play at our home and send Ruhi to visit those Kids on her own every once a while. Ruhi does have a small circle of friends in the Park and a couple of kids come home often. Ruhi invites them over but seldom likes to visit their houses. 

Take the Kids out for family outings, picnics. I do that every other weekend - the movies, mall even holidays but I started only recently and I go alone since my husband keeps very busy.

Reward Ruhi for 'confident' behaviour. Not a physical reward but a 'feel good' comment like GOOD JOB or YOU WERE GREAT TODAY etc

About the school's role - she said nothing. I didn't ask either. I was too busy blaming myself.


GettingThereNow said...

Seems to me that the Principal made some good suggestions. I can really empathize with you because when S was little, I faced similar problems and was given similar suggestions by her pre-school teacher. In our case the pre-school teacher "blamed" me for S' shyness because she was an only child. Never have I wanted to claw someone's face out so badly! But what she said did have some truth.

May I make one suggestion (if you don't mind)? Instead of saying a general "Good Job" or "you were good today", be specific. What was so outstanding about the job she did? Maybe she showed courage in an unfamiliar situation (speaking out her mind confidently, for example) or was kind or generous. Maybe she was persistent in doing a task until she got it right. Specific praise helps more in raising a kid's self-esteem. I have noticed this with S.

One thing S is getting confident about, and is very proud of, is her vegetable chopping skills :) I never imagined something so simple could make her so happy.

I am sorry for the long comment but I couldn't stop myself. I sometimes feel my overprotectiveness (when S was little) and control-freakishness made S a shy kid. Her teachers assured me every single year that it is not so, but I have curbed my instincts to over-protect and control her and believe she is more confident because of it. I am not saying this to imply that you do so too. I am saying this just to highlight how and why I understand what you feel.

GettingThereNow said...

Oh, and congratulations on completing 8 years!!

GW said...

Thanks :)

For Everything.

the mad momma said...

see - this is why we need to catch up more often :) drop the kids over or i will bring mine over...

Poppins said...

I don't know how I missed your posts on the kids! (Must remember to add you to my reader)

Those are excellent suggestions, it's made me think a lot too about what we may be doing "wrong" with my daughter as well.

That said and done, when was it a crime to be quiet and shy? I think it has something to do with where you live as well.

Not to make this a South versus North thing, but in general I've seen people from the North (including kids) are usually more outspoken and confident compared to kids in the South. I can assure you that if you were to live where I do (Bangalore) Ruhi or Rayyan wouldn't have gotten the same reaction at their schools.